


skeptics and true believers

by cooliohoolio



Category: Buzzfeed - Fandom, Buzzfeed Unsolved
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, M/M, my two favorite aus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2018-11-15 06:15:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11225040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooliohoolio/pseuds/cooliohoolio
Summary: The hot new kid that frustrates Ryan on a daily basis may or may not be a werewolf.Ryan Bergara is in his junior year and president of Buzzfeed High School's supernatural club; Shane Madej is the new kid that's started showing up to meetings only to shit on Ryan's belief in the paranormal. Normally, he would be annoyed with such a skeptical asshole-- except, said asshole is also really fucking attractive, leading to a weird mixture of frustration and attraction Ryan has no idea how to deal with.Then Ryan notes that there's one subject that Shane doesn't have anything to say about: werewolves. His discomfort at the mention of the subject and consistent absences on full moons  is more than enough to pique Ryan's curiosity. Whatever's going on, Ryan is going to get to the bottom of it...even if it kills him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey i'm trash i'm sorry but here's my frist attempt at shyan fic. it's honestly garbage but more is on the way and feedback is appreciated!!
> 
> the title is a the academy is... song

A typical meeting of the supernatural club consisted of Ryan presenting evidence of ghosts to Brent and Safiya, one of the two of them immediately getting off topic, and the group talking about something unrelated to the paranormal for an hour. As he entered Mr. Peretti's history classroom, Ryan figured that this meeting would be no different. 

It began as any other meeting would: 

"Okay," Ryan announced to Brent and Saf, who were sitting at the front of the classroom, "Fucking demons, you guys. They scare the shit out of me." Saf laughed, and Ryan hopped up on a desk.

"You guys have seen The Exorcist, right? It was based on a real story of a girl named Anneliese Michel--"

"I'm pretty sure she was mentally ill, not possessed" Ever the anxious guy, Ryan jumped at the door to the classroom clicking open behind him. He turned to see a scruffy skyscraper in tennis shoes coming into the classroom. Skyscraper smiled and waved, "Hey, I'm Shane. Paranormal stuff is BS." 

Ryan blinked. Okay, so today will be an unusual meeting. He glanced over at Brent and Saf, who seemed to be less surprised than he was. 

Brent tilted his head. "Don't I have algebra with you?" 

Ryan almost felt offended. Were neither of them going to defend their honor? This guy can't just walk in here and call everything bullshit; Ryan glared at Brent, before shifting it over to Shane. 

"If you think it's bullshit, why are you here?" Ryan crossed his arms and frowned. Shane came over to where the group was sitting-- holy shit, he was really tall. And... kind of attractive. Ryan quickly averted his eyes to the floor; now is not the time to be gay, Ryan, he thought to himself as a blush creeped over his face. 

Shane shrugged. "I was bored and figured that someone needed to be rational in your ghostbusters echo chamber." He slid into one of the desks and leaned back with a pen in his hand, "So, gang, we're talking about the Exorcist today?" Ryan wanted to hit him in his smug (and now that he was paying more attention to it, cute) face. 

He wheezed angrily. "Wh- You- Ghostbusters echo chamber?!" Who did this guy think he was?!, "You're honestly only coming into this club to say that you don't believe in the tens of thousands of examples of ghosts and demons being real? That's ridiculous. You're ridiculous." 

"Not as ridiculous as someone who believes tens of thousands of examples of inconclusive and unprovable evidence," Shane leaned forward on his hand and smiled a small smile Ryan could only describe as mocking. 

"Inconclusive?!" Ryan was infuriated, "How can you tell me thousands of different people seeing and documenting their experiences with ghosts is inconclusive?" 

"Can you prove any of them even happened in the first place?"

Ryan was going to flip the fucking table. A part of him briefly wondered why he was getting so flustered, but that thought was quickly overshadowed by the part of him that just wanted to prove this pompous asshole wrong. 

"You actually think that every single person who has ever seen a ghost has been lying? Or that any supernatural voice recording has been falsified?"

"I think that the people who believe in ghosts will convince themselves of it no matter how much of a stretch the 'evidence'--" He actually did the quotes thing with his hands,what a dick," -- A vague noise is turned into a voice. A shadow is turned into a person. They're not necessarily lying, just reaching."

Ryan's furious sputtering was cut off by the bell, which signaled to the kids still in the building that they were being kicked out. Ryan closed his mouth into a hard line, and pointed at Shane, who was picking his bag up. 

"I'm going to prove to you ghosts exist, I swear," Ryan said with a determined gleam in his eyes, grabbing his bag off of the desk. Brent and Saf, who had been watching the bickering in a stunned silence, had taken to chatting amongst themselves as they gathered their belongings. Probably about how serious Ryan was being about this whole thing. He didn't care. 

Shane laughed, and Ryan's face, which he was sure was already pretty red due to how nonplussed he had gotten, was probably turning a bright shade of cherry red. Being flustered was one thing, but being flustered by a really hot guy was another. He avoided eye contact as his skin flushed. 

Brent and Saf migrated towards the door, but Ryan and Shane stayed behind for a moment.Ryan narrowed his eyes at the other man. 

"You really don't believe in anything paranormal?" He asked skeptically.

"Depends on what you define as paranormal." Shane shrugged and Ryan furrowed his brows, wondering what on earth that meant. 

"You know, ghosts, demons, vampires, werewolves, witches, etc." Briefly, a note of something Ryan wasn't sure of passed over Shane's face. Uncertainty? Hesitation? ... Fear? 

"No, no, no, and, no." Something had shifted about Shane. His posture had gone from loose and carefree, with his long limbs leaning casually on the desk, to more closed off and defensive. "It's all bullshit." His tone was curt. 

Ryan was perplexed by the sudden mood change. Had he said something wrong? He opened his mouth to ask, but was cut-off. 

"Hey Ry," Brent had walked back over to where he and Shane stood, "I was gonna go back to mine and play some video games or... something..." He trailed off, picking up on the odd tension. 

"Sounds good to me," He thought about asking if Shane could join them, but when Ryan glanced back to where the taller man was standing, he saw Shane had grabbed his bag and was heading out the door. 

"See you guys later," Shane mumbled before promptly exiting into the hallway. Ryan blinked, trying to understand what had just happened. Shane had been fine until Ryan had mentioned... something. He looked at Brent, to see if he understanded what had just happened any better, but all he got was a half-hearted shrug. 

"Maybe he just remembered that he had left his oven on or something," Brent offered jokingly, but Ryan couldn't help but feel saddened. Despite him being frustrating, debating with Shane had been fun (not even mentioning how attractive he was), and Ryan really hoped he hadn't just ruined a potential friendship (or something more). 

"Let's bounce," Brent said, walking out the door. With a sigh, Ryan followed, taking a moment to look up and down the hallway before accompanying Brent to the parking lot of the school. 

Shane was long gone. 

\--

The streets were empty as Ryan walked home from Brent's house, the almost-full moon casting light in his path. The autumn air was crisp and a slight breeze had begun around sunset; he shivered, despite the night being slightly cold at worst. 

Ryan couldn't help but feel like he was being watched. 

He shoved his hands deep into his jean pockets and tried not to whip his head around like a paranoid maniac. Every part of his body screamed that he was being followed by somebody, something. He abruptly stopped on the sidewalk to take a breath and run his hands down his face in an attempt to calm his nerves. 

Something rustled in the patch of woods next to the sidewalk, and Ryan's head snapped towards the sudden noise. He creeped towards the thicket, a group of trees attached to the wide expanse of Pacific Northwest forest. He figured it was just a deer, or a rabbit, but... he had to see. It would calm his anxiety. 

Another rustle, and Ryan saw the source. Or at least, he saw the source's unnaturally bright yellow eyes staring him dead in the face. 

Ryan yelped and scrambled backwards, before breaking into a run towards his front door. He stopped to heave air in and out of his lungs, before collapsing on his front porch steps. What the-- what the fuck was that?! Before he could even try and guess, the front door creaked open, nearly causing him to jump out of his skin. His mother looked out at him with a worried expression. 

"Are you okay, Ryan?" She asked, obviously concerned, and Ryan nodded feverishly before standing up. 

"Fine. Fantastic," He said, his voice sounding about an octave higher than normal.His mother furrowed her brow in disbelief. 

"...Okay, well, come inside soon. It's getting cold." His mother cast him one more doubtful look, before shrugging and receding back inside. 

Ryan didn't know what he had just seen in the woods, but... filled with sudden determination, he decided he was going to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan researches yellow-eyed creatures.

**Google Search: creatures with yellow eyes**  
**Google Search: supernatural creatures with yellow eyes**  
**Google Search: werewolves**

Ryan sat back with a sigh, staring at the open tabs on his computer. All of the search results related to werewolves in one way or another. According to the internet, the creature Ryan saw  was a werewolf. 

Ryan wasn't satisfied with this answer. Even he, with his unwavering belief in most things paranormal, had to draw the line somewhere. _Werewolves._ Just the idea that there was a were-creature of some sort wandering around the forest was fucking absurd.

Right?

Ryan stared at the images on the page (some website called  _A Beginner's Guide To Were-People_ ), which claimed to be "real" photographs of werewolves. In one of the pictures, piercing yellow eyes stared into the camera. They looked almost exactly like what Ryan had seen last night. 

He couldn't stop seeing those eyes in his mind's eye. He shuddered as he thought back to them, staring at him from within the pitch-black woods,  bright gold the only contrast to the inky darkness. 

He had never seen anything like them... except on this stupid website that claimed they belonged to a werewolf. 

Ryan groaned and laid his head down on his desk. He wanted to know what was roaming the woods, but he didn't like the answers he was getting. He looked up at the clock at the bottom-right of his monitor and saw that it was 2am; instead of sleeping, Ryan was debating whether or not fucking werewolves were a real thing. _God,_ he thought, resting his head on the desk once again, _What even is my life?_

His phone dinged from where it sat on the nightstand, disrupting Ryan's self-reflection. He picked up, confused as to who else was up so late. 

**[unknown number] hey, it's shane (brent gave me your number)**

**[unknown number] sorry for being a dick and leaving so suddenly today. i had just remembered my mom had given me a shitload of chores today haha.**

Ryan stared down at his text messages, all knowledge of social skills suddenly fleeing him. He had almost completely forgotten about the conversation with Shane today, too preoccupied with the creature in the woods, but now Shane was texting him to apologize. Ryan was suddenly glad he was alone in his room, because he was now blushing furiously. 

**[ryan] It's all cool. I was worried it was something I had said, but I'm glad that's not the case.**

As he laid down his phone, he wondered if he was being weird by saying he had been worried he had upset Shane and mentally face-palmed. Why was he so bad at interacting with someone he thought were attractive? 

His phone dinged again and Ryan practically jumped to look at the new message. 

**[shane] no need to worry, you didn't say anything wrong.**

**[shane] well, besides all the factually inaccurate stuff about ghosts. all that was wrong.**

Ryan laughed, his anxiety lessening and being replaced with the desire to convince Shane ghosts were real. 

 **[ryan]**   **This again!! I'm sending you links to people who have said they've seen ghosts.**

Ryan opened another tab on his laptop and began researching, but Shane's reply was almost immediate. 

**[shane] all bullshit, but okay. go ahead ryan. convince me that the undead walk the earth.**

That's how they spent the rest of the night; Ryan abandoned his search for information on yellow-eyed creatures and instead shifted his focus to providing Shane with first-hand accounts of ghosts and demons. All of which he infuriatingly refuted, of course.

They talked for hours, the conversation not slowing down at any point. Despite the late hour, Ryan never began to feel tired. Talking to Shane was exhilarating and fun, and Ryan found himself laughing and texting until his alarm rang at 6am in the morning. 

Shit. 

\--

After Ryan finished pulling on his clothes, he had tried to lie down and catch some sleep before giving up and drinking six cups of coffee in a row. His leg wouldn't stop shaking and he probably would end up crashing in third period but... it was worth it. Ryan had never felt better. Talking to Shane had put him in a great mood (or maybe that was the sleep deprivation? He couldn't tell). 

Before leaving, he went to go brush his teeth and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Purple bags were obvious under Ryan's brown eyes and he grimaced. He looked like shit; briefly, he hoped in the back of his mind that Shane wasn't at school today.  

The drive to school was mostly uneventful. The talk show host on the radio said tonight was a full moon, and Ryan began thinking back to the yellow-eyed creature from last night. If it really was a werewolf, then tonight it would probably be more active. He almost rolled his eyes at the thought;  even entertaining the idea that it was a werewolf was laughable. 

Oh well. Ryan supposed that he would find out tonight. 

\--

Ryan's wish had been granted: Shane wasn't at school that day. He felt both relieved and disappointed at the same time. 

Mostly disappointed. 

The exhaustion began catching up to Ryan in sixth period English, and at that point he wished he had been like Shane and stayed home. It was extremely hard to focus as the old English teacher talked about Ovid's  _Metamorphoses._ He really tried to pay attention as the teacher talked about the story of some Greek king named Lycaon who served human meat... to his guests and was punished by Zeus to...

Ryan was asleep before he even found out the conclusion. 

He dreamt that he was with Shane, who pulled him close and began kissing him on his neck, then on his jawline, before finally meeting his mouth. Ryan eagerly closed the space between their lips, and found that Shane's lips were as soft as they looked. Warmth and happiness filled Ryan's body as they explored each other's mouths, losing himself in the ecstasy. In the middle of it all, Ryan opened his eyes, wanting see Shane's brown eyes looking back at him. 

Instead of a warm, comforting brown, the eyes staring back at him were a vivid shade of yellow. Shane disappeared from under Ryan's touch, and suddenly it was dark and he was alone. He was in the forest, animalistic snarls coming from all around him. Yellow eyes peered out from the trees and stared at Ryan hungrily. 

"Mr. Bergara!" Ryan was snapped awake from his dream to see his English teacher staring at him angrily. She glared at him from the front of the classroom, and every other student in the classroom was staring at him. 

"Mr. Bergara," The teacher said once again, "Can you please tell the class what animal Zeus turned Lycaon into as punishment for his savagery?". Safiya, the only person he knew in this class, gave him a look of sympathy.

"A wolf." He said the answer without hesitation, despite it being a complete guess. The teacher raised her eyebrows in surprise. 

"That's... correct." She sounded as stunned as Ryan felt, "From now on, keep your head up off the desk even if you're listening." 

Ryan leaned back in his desk, staring up at the ceiling. The universe must be trying to tell him _something_ , if only he could figure out what it was. Before he could contemplate further, the bell rang. Everyone fled the classroom to their last period, save Safiya, who waited at the door for Ryan. 

He gave his friend a tired smile, and she pulled Ryan into a hug. "Pretty smooth back there," She said with a smile, "I could've sworn you were asleep."

"So could I," Ryan mumbled, before they began towards their next class. Saf side-eyed him, but was quickly distracted from his odd mood by the approach of her girlfriend. Freddie grinned widely at Saf and him. 

"Hey baby," she greeted Saf with a kiss on the cheek, "and Ryan". Their affection suddenly reminded Ryan of the first part of his dream, making him blush. Safiya looked at him in confusion. 

"What's up with you Ryan?" She asked as she walked down the hall, hand-in-hand with Freddie, "You're acting all weird today."

"It's nothing," He shrugged. Safiya narrowed her eyes. She was one of his closest friends and absolutely _nothing_  could get past her. After a couple of seconds under her glare, Ryan cracked. 

"I'm just really tired, Saf," he said honestly, "I've got a lot on my mind right now, okay?" They were about to pass his next class, which gave Ryan the opportunity to abandon the group before Saf could question him further. He could feel her stare on the back of his neck as he escaped into his algebra classroom. 

All Ryan thought about in math was his dream. His mind was playing ping-pong, going from werewolves to Shane and then back again. Despite the fact that the dream probably meant nothing, the first part of his dream was tainted by the disturbing image of Shane with yellow eyes. His pensive mood was reflected by  the grey rain clouds that were beginning to gather in the sky outside. _How fitting,_ he thought. 

The bell rang shortly after, and Ryan was quick to his car. He was ready to go home and sleep; it had been a long day. Fat raindrops fell from the sky as he made his way across the parking lot, and he climbed into his car shivering and wet. 

On the drive home, he couldn't help staring out at the treeline at the side of the road. He wanted to see those intense yellow eyes again. Maybe they'd look familiar. 

Both his mom and dad were still at work when Ryan got home, and he fell into his bed still deep in thought. The information about werewolves was still open on his computer; he stared at it, thinking about the events of today. 

 _What if Shane is the werewolf?_ The idea popped into Ryan's head unbidden, as he thought about both how Shane was absent on the day of the full moon and his dream. He quickly shoved it away, because, frankly, it was fucking insane. All it was was a coincidence, not fodder for Ryan's ridiculous conspiracies. 

He picked up his phone to text Shane, just to check up on him. 

**[ryan] Hey, are you alright? I saw you weren't at school today**

Shane usually replied fairly quickly, but today was different for some reason. The sunset and nightfall descended without Ryan hearing a word from Shane, and after a few hours more Ryan just couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. 

As he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep, he could've sworn he heard a howl in the distance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreciated!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane only provides Ryan with more questions.

Once again, Ryan dreamt of Shane. This time, they sat in a field together staring up at the sky. The world around them was blurry and undefined, with an odd surreal quality to it; it was unclear whether or not the sky above them reflected day or night, held clouds or stars. Unlike the last dream, they weren't on top of each other; instead, they just held hands and sat with one another. It felt just as intimate. There were no wolves or yellow eyes in this dream; just stars and soft grass and Shane. Ryan was content. 

Ryan blinked open his eyes the next morning to the sound of an abrasive alarm and the quiet pattering of rain outside of his window. He sat up, running a hand through his messy black hair and yawning. He leaned forward with his face in his hands. He needed to get this crush under control before it started affecting how he interacted with Shane in real life. 

_Shane probably isn't even gay_ , he was trying to be realistic about it (possibly for the first time in his entire life). He thought back to the feeling of Shane's hand in his from the dream and couldn't help but feel the slightest bit crestfallen at that notion. Ryan groaned and fell back onto the mattress.  Why did everything always have to be so complicated?

He checked his phone before rolling out of the bed, sighing in disappointment when he noticed that his text from last night was still unanswered. _Maybe Shane is just sick_ , Ryan thought unhappily, _or maybe he just doesn't like me._

He shoved aside his gay crisis and climbed into the shower. _There were better times to confront his feelings_ , he mused.    _  
_

\--

Despite the fact that Ryan had gotten a full night's sleep, he arrived at school in a worse mood than the day before. He hadn't realized that Shane ignoring him would have this much of an effect. _Get yourself together, Bergara,_ Ryan scolded himself mentally for being so easily wounded. 

He walked in the front doors of the school and his eyes immediately fell on Brent and Shane, who were conversing in the front lobby. Ryan would've been lying if he said his heart hadn't jumped when he saw Shane. Speaking of...

Shane looked rough, to put it nicely. His hair was messy and his facial hair unkempt; dark bags resided underneath his eyes and he looked thoroughly tired and disheveled in his wrinkled jean jacket. If it had been anyone else, Ryan would've said they looked like shit.

Except, Shane looked ridiculously hot in his own tousled way; he pulled off the "didn't sleep at all last night" look perfectly. Internally, Ryan groaned. He was so _fucked_. 

Brent made eye contact with Ryan and waved him over; as he approached, Shane gave him a fatigued smile. His eyes, which were normally a deep brown, were shining amber in the early morning sun. Flecks of gold were present throughout the dark orange color, and Ryan was taken away by how they almost looked ethereal. 

"Earth to Ryan?" Brent said, waving his hand in front of Ryan's face. He blinked and came back to the present, trying to hide his embarrassment. He had literally gotten lost in Shane's eyes, for God's sake. 

"Sorry, I'm just a little tired," He lied, "What's you just say?" 

"I said hello," Shane smiled at him again, and Ryan hoped his face hadn't just turned red with blush, "How was your night?"

Ryan laughed, "I slept like a fucking rock because I didn't get any sleep the night before," He said, glaring at Shane in a joking manner, "Wonder who's fault that is."

Shane rolled his eyes. "I wasn't the one trying to prove the existence of ghosts the whole night." He grinned, "Which, by the way, you still have not managed to do." 

"Oh for fuck's sake , not this again," Brent grumbled, "You two have fun arguing, I'm going to find Safiya or Steven or _somebody._ "  

Ryan and Shane watched him walk away, then made eye contact with one another and laughed. "I didn't realize you being wrong about the existence of ghosts was so annoying to others," Shane said good-naturedly, "If it's any consolation, I find it humorous." 

"Thanks," Ryan scoffed, "I'm glad to know that you find the serious science of ghosts to be 'humourous'." Shane started laughing louder, and God _damnit_ he was absolutely adorable when he laughed. 

"Ghosts have about as much serious science as... I don't know. What's something that's completely fake and implausible?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows in mock contemplation. 

"You're an asshole, you know that?" Ryan told him, trying to sound annoyed (which would've worked, except he couldn't help but break out into a smile). Shane gave him a smug grin and shrugged. 

"I may have been told once or twice," He was still smiling, and Ryan felt like he could exist forever in this moment, laughing and being happy with Shane. Talking to Shane felt so natural and organic, it was easy in a way that Ryan had never felt before. 

The bell ruined it; the sudden, jarring noise interrupted what Ryan considered a perfect moment. Shane glanced at his watch, and gestured down the hallway. "We should probably start walking to class." He suggested. 

Ryan nodded in agreement,  and the duo began making their way down the crowded hallway. "How was _your_ night?" Ryan asked, looked back at Shane's ruffled appearance, "You look like you didn't get much sleep."

Shane rubbed the back of his neck, looking marginally uncomfortable. "You're right about that," He said, eyes gravitating to the floor, "Family trouble kept me up all night. You know, stressful stuff." 

"Are you okay?," Ryan asked Shane sympathetically. Briefly, the idea that Shane was a werewolf resurfaced, but was once again pushed aside as absurd. His friend was stressed and his first thought was werewolf-- Ryan felt kind of like a dick for even entertaining the idea. 

Shane gave Ryan a small smile. "I'm fine, Ryan," He said softly, "I appreciate the concern, though. It's nice to know someone cares." Ryan's heart fluttered. 

_Fuck,_ Ryan thought, _I am so gay for this boy._

"I am sorry to announce that we've arrived at my classroom," Shane looked regretful about having to part, but it was quickly replaced by an affectionate smile, "I'll see you later." 

And once again, Ryan was alone, and, he saw as he glanced at the clock up on the hallway wall, late for class. Good Lord, this crush was going to be the death of him. 

\--

As the days pass, Ryan's feelings for Shane cease to fade. Ryan finds himself laughing at all of Shane's stupid jokes and staring at him whenever he gets the chance. Every moment Ryan spends with Shane is akin being in heaven. He's never felt this way about anyone. 

And maybe, just maybe, Shane felt the same way. Ryan had noticed Shane looking at him when he thought Ryan wasn't paying attention, and there's this _look_  that Shane gives him that makes Ryan feel like he's the only one in Shane's world at that moment. 

There was the possibility that Ryan was simply projecting his feelings onto Shane. He hoped not, as he lay in bed texting Shane, laughing about some stupid meme with him. He really hoped not. 

Faint moonlight filtered through Ryan's bedroom window, reminding him of the werewolf theory that he had nearly forgotten about. He looked back down at his phone. 

**[ryan] Can I ask you something, Shane? I know you don't believe in the paranormal but I have to share this with you**

**[shane] oh god**

**[shane] did you see a shadow and think it was a demon**

**[ryan] Oh shut up**

**[ryan] No, this is more tangible. I think there might be a werewolf around here.**

**[ryan] I know it sounds crazy but I saw something with these weird yellow eyes staring at me from the forest.**

For a while, Shane didn't respond. About an hour had passed when Ryan's phone lit up with another notification. 

**[shane] i think you're crazy. don't be fucking ridiculous ryan.**

**[shane] you probably saw a coyote and were so obsessed with supernatural shit you thought it was something it's not.**

Ryan blinked. The sudden tonal shift of the conversation had thrown him off guard. 

Why was Shane being so hostile about this? Every other supernatural entity Ryan mentioned was typically met with disbelief, but never anger. Feeling slightly hurt, he typed a reply. 

**[ryan] Oh. Okay. You could've just said it was stupid. No need to get mad.**

**[shane] it's the most absurd thing you've ever said to me.**

**[shane] i'm going to bed. goodnight.**

Ryan stared at the screen, a profound feeling of sadness spreading throughout his body. What the hell had just happened? He scrolled up to read through the conversation once again, trying to find where he might've said something wrong, yet came up empty-handed. 

He couldn't fathom why Shane would get so upset about werewolves. 

Ryan lay in bed and began reflecting on all the times he's brought up werewolves around Shane. The immediate denial and uneasiness. He thought back to the full moon, when Shane had been missing and shown up the next day looking as if he'd been up all night doing... something.

Was Shane a werewolf? The question had been absolutely preposterous mere days before, but was now growing more and more plausible. 

Ryan grabbed his laptop, suddenly too apprehensive to sleep. He opened up Google once more, reinvigorated in his search for information on werewolves. 

He had a lot of research to do.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan decides to pay more attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: I ACCIDENTALLY DIDNT POST HALF OF THE CHAPTER BRB GONNA KMS  
> edit as of: 6/28/17: when i tried to post the other half of the chapter, it still got cut off. so if you read this chapter before the edit date, it got cut off around the point where ryan is talking to safiya. I Am A Fool.

Ryan was probably going crazy-- at the very least, he _felt_ crazy. That he was actually giving credence to the idea that his crush was a werewolf made him feel fucking insane.

But it made _sense_. All of the strange occurrences that seemed to follow Shane pointed to werewolf. The theory, despite its initial lunacy, gradually gained credibility in Ryan's mind.

He decided to start paying closer attention.

\--

Ryan was the first to sit down at his lunch table, but was quickly joined by Shane, who slid into the seat across from him. Ryan mumbled hello before laying his head down on the table; the late night research was beginning to catch up to him.

Shane had no problem hearing his quiet greeting over the loud chatter of the high school cafeteria and tilted his head quizzically at Ryan.

"What's wrong, Ryan?" He asked, peering down at Ryan in concern, "Did the ghosts keep you up?" If it had been from anyone else, the attempt at humor would have failed to make him laugh-- but it was Shane, and Ryan couldn't help but crack a small smile.

_Even the thought that he might be a werewolf couldn't make me like him less,_ Ryan thought as he looked affectionately at Shane.

"Just couldn't sleep last night," Ryan said, neglecting to add ' _because I was doing research to determine whether or not you're a werewolf'._ He wanted desperately to look Shane in the eyes be honest, tell him that all the weird shit that's been happening lately has led Ryan to come up with unhinged theories.

The stupid werewolf theory wasn't the only thing Ryan wanted to blurt out to Shane; Ryan wanted to confess the feelings that swirled around in his head, the feelings made him feel dizzy with happiness whenever Shane was with him. He wanted to look Shane straight in his eyes and tell him that he had fallen for him, hard.

Ryan would do neither. He was a coward in every sense of the word; he was scared of ghosts, wolves, the ramifications of speaking his feelings aloud. Staring at Shane right now, Ryan wished he could simply take a deep breath and release his anxiety, exhale and finally be able to face his fears for once in his fucking life.

He couldn't. He wouldn't.

With a sigh, Ryan came back to the conversation. Shane was looking at him with a worried expression.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Shane leaned forward, and Ryan was struck with a sudden and inexplicable to close the gap between them and kiss him; he stayed still, but longed to know what those lips would feel like against his own.

"I'm great," Ryan replied, ready to shift the focus off of himself, "Where's everyone else?". He sat up and looked around the cafeteria.

Shane glanced around as well. "Safiya's over there," He gestured to across the lunch room, where Saf and Freddie were talking with each other, then turned towards the entrance of the cafeteria, "Brent's about to walk in with Steven." Sure enough, Brent and Steven rounded the corner a few moments later.

"How did you know that?" Ryan asked, staring at Shane in disbelief. Shane turned back around and shrugged indifferently.

"I've got good hearing, and Steven talks pretty loud." Shane said candidly, giving Ryan a wide smile, "Seriously, that's the most enthusiastic guy I've ever met."

Ryan wanted to say one thousand things in that moment, from ' _It's literally impossible for a normal human to hear someone talking from that far away in a room as loud as this'_ to telling Shane ' _Please stop doing things that play into my dumb conspiracies'._ Ryan almost opened his mouth to say something, but Brent and Steven sat down and started talking before he mustered up the courage to mention it.

Ryan rested his head back down on the table, not feeling up to engaging in conversation with everyone. His head distracted him from their exchange, and he sat and thought of wolves with yellow eyes for the rest of the lunch period.

\--

"People in this town are so nice," Shane said as they walked down the steps of Brent's front porch. It was a Friday night, and Brent had invited their entire friend group over to his house to hang out. Saf and Freddie had left earlier on in the night, as had Steven and Andrew; Shane and Ryan were the last two to leave.

"What do you mean?" Ryan asked, looking at Shane quizzically as they got into Ryan's car, "I just thought people here were... normal, I guess."

"Well, I moved from L.A.," Shane told him as Ryan pulled out of Brent's driveway, "People there were always really vapid. The school I used to go to had a lot of rich assholes in it and they were complete narcissists." He looked out the window, where a slight drizzle made the streets shine, "No one ever just had laid-back hang outs with their friends. Suffice to say, not many people liked me back there." He laughed.

Ryan glanced at Shane for a moment, loving how his friend looked when he laughed. He wanted to tell Shane _'I can't understand how anyone could dislike you'_ but the sentence caught on the tip of his tongue and refused to leave his mouth. He really couldn't fathom how anyone could dislike Shane; he was funny, genuine, and very, _very_ attract--

"Brake!" Shane yelled, and Ryan slammed on his brakes, tires squealing against the asphalt moments before a large deer darted across the road. Ryan stared at the road in shock, then shifted his gaze to Shane, who seemed shaken up by the sudden stop.

"What... how did you see that deer coming?" Ryan asked, dazed and incredulous. Shane glanced nervously at the dark woods, then back at Ryan. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"I saw it in the woods over there right before it jumped out," He said, not meeting Ryan's eyes, "Whatever, what's important is that we didn't hit that deer and we're both okay."

"...Okay," Ryan still stared at Shane in confusion, but went ahead and started the car forward once again. He glanced out the window at the forest and noted that it was far too dark to see anything within the trees.

For the rest of the ride an odd tension hung over them, Ryan not bothering to say anything and Shane staring out the window in anxious silence. When Ryan pulled into his driveway, Shane gave him a short goodbye before hurrying into his home.

On the drive back to his house, Ryan thought back to what he had learned about werewolves. Superior sight and hearing, great night vision... even in human form. The nearly full moon seemed to stare down at Ryan as he drove home in silence.

_What am I going to do?_ He thought as he pulled into his driveway. For a few minutes, Ryan just sat in the quiet of his car contemplating. Does he go into the woods the night of the full moon to try and find a werewolf? Does he just flat-out ask Shane? What's the etiquette of asking your friend if they're a _fucking werewolf?_

With a long, exhausted sigh, Ryan got out of his car and went into his home. Despite all the confusion, there was one thing he was absolutely certain of: he was fucking tired.

\--

The full moon fell on the next Monday morning, and as he walked into school, Ryan hoped that he would see Shane's face and have this all put to rest. If Shane came to school on the day of the full moon, case closed. He's not a werewolf and Ryan can finally let this go.

"Hey Steven," Ryan greeted his friend, who was eating breakfast in the cafeteria, "Have you seen Shane?" Steven shook his head no, then resumed his conversation with his boyfriend, Andrew.

Morning came and went, but Ryan held out hope that Shane was just coming in late; at lunch, he inquired his friends about Shane's whereabouts once again. Nobody knew where he was.

Ryan felt conflicted for a few moments. Brent was looking at him curiously, before a look of realization dawned on him.

"Why do you care so much?" Brent asked, smirking slightly. Ryan felt his face flush, and he dropped his gaze to the lunch table.

"Don't be an ass, Brent," Ryan said, trying to sound annoyed, "I'm just worried about him. I couldn't get in touch with him all weekend."

"He's fine," Brent rolled his eyes, "You're getting all worked up over nothing, Ry." Ryan shrugged, and went back to pushing around his food with his fork. He didn't feel like eating right now.

"I'm skipping so I can go check on him," He said finally, looking back up at Brent. His friend rolled his eyes once again.

"Go ahead and go see your boyfriend, Ry," Ryan spluttered in response to that, but Brent ignored him, "But I'm not covering for you when the teacher calls roll in history." Ryan was about to tell Brent that Shane was _not_ his boyfriend that's _ridiculous_ , but instead opted to just release an annoyed sigh before pushing his lunch tray forward and getting up from the table.

The drive to Shane's house was spent in a contemplative silence. _I probably am just being ridiculous,_ Ryan thought as he sat at a red light, tapping his fingers pensively on the steering wheel, _He's probably just running a fever or some shit._

Ryan was beginning to feel like a paranoid idiot by the time he pulled into Shane's driveway, but curiosity drove him forward. He parked and turned off his car, then sat for a moment in his car. _This is absurd_ , he thought, biting his lip in anxiety. With a deep breath, he got out of the car.

Shane's house was far back from the road with a long driveway, behind it a wide expanse of forest. Ryan could tell it was old, the green paint chipping around the edges of the front door he now stood in front of. He knocked three times, and a few seconds later, a middle-aged woman opened the door.

"...Hello there," She smiled at him kindly, but confusion was clear in her expression, "Who are you?"

"I'm one of Shane's friends, Ryan," He said, and Shane's mom nodded, "I just hadn't heard from him in a couple of days and was wondering if he was, um, alright." His voice had gotten quieter as he continued talking, feeling sheepish.

"Oh, yes, he talks about you a lot," A look of genuine warmth dawned her features, "I believe you're the 'cute one who believes in ghosts'?"

Ryan's face flushed. "I--Um," The word 'cute' resonated in his head for a couple of moments, drowning out his other thoughts. Shane thought he was _cute?_ He shoved all that aside and recalled why he had come here in the first place.

"That's me, I guess," He laughed awkwardly, "So, is he okay? I'm a little worried about him."

"He's caught a stomach bug and hasn't been feeling well for a couple of days," she told him, "Right now he's asleep." Shane's mother gave him an apologetic look, but there was a note of something in her expression that Ryan couldn't figure out.

"Oh, alright then," Ryan couldn't help but feel a little disappointed; he really had hoped to see Shane and put his anxiety to rest, "Thank you for letting me know."

"No problem, sweetie," Shane's mom offered him one last smile before quickly shutting the door, leaving Ryan standing on Shane's front porch by himself. With a sigh, he turned around and headed back to his car.

As his shoes crunched against the gravel of their driveway, Ryan swore he heard a howl as he climbed into his car.

\--

Ryan stared up at the white ceiling of his bedroom. Sleep wouldn't come to him-- he kept hearing howls, but couldn't determine whether they were real or a product of his overactive imagination.

Bright moonlight filtered in through his blinds, and Ryan wondered if Shane was looking up at the same moon right now. Perhaps with unnatural yellow eyes. As he stared at the place where the light met his floorboards, he thought he heard another howl in the distance.

He rolled over and picked up his phone from where it was charging on his bedside table. He stared at his contacts list for a moment before making a decision.

**[ryan] Saf I need to ask you something. Just to make sure I'm not going crazy.**

The reply was almost immediate.

**[saf** **] whats wrong? are u okay?**

**[ryan] I'm fine, just feeling kind of insane at the moment.**

**[saf] we all do sometimes. what's on your mind?**

**[ryan] Do you think werewolves could exist?**

A few minutes passed before Safiya responded once again.

**[saf] yes. have you been hearing the howling too?**

A weight felt as if it was being lifted from Ryan's chest. He _wasn't_ going nuts.

**[ryan] Yes, oh my God. I thought I was the only one.**

**[saf] freddie's noticed it too.**

**[saf] i think it's a werewolf too but she thinks that's ridiculous.**

Ryan sat back against his pillows and released a deep breath. This is what he needed at the moment; direct and friendly reassurance that he wasn't completely insane.

He picked up his phone as it lit up with another notification.

**[saf] dw ryan, i don't think you're crazy**

**[saf] i'm going to try and get some shut-eye, u should too. sleep tight!!!**

Ryan let the phone drop back onto the night-table. He felt so much better about, well, everything. People other than himself heard the howls, had considered werewolves as a possibility for everything weird happening.

His head fell back against the pillows and his eyes fell back upon the light shining in through the window. Slowly, he drifted off to sleep with visions of wolves and yellows eyes dancing in his head.

\--

Ryan entered Mr. Peretti's history classroom with a plan and the knowledge that this meeting of the supernatural club would be atypical.

Shane smiled at Ryan from where he sat talking to Brent and Safiya; his heart may have skipped a beat. Shane's appearance was messy again, just like it had been last full moon, and, once again, his eyes shone an odd amber color. Ryan wondered why he was so helplessly attracted to someone he figured was probably a werewolf.

"Okay, today's meeting is exciting," he announced as he sat down next to his friends, "I'm going to find proof of the supernatural in our very own town."

Shane scoffed. "How do you plan on doing _that?_ " He asked sarcastically, smirking at Ryan, "There are no 'haunted' buildings around here for you to trespass in."

"I'm not talking about ghosts," Ryan replied calmly, "I'm talking about werewolves."

Ryan watched as Shane tensed up. Safiya leaned forward, intrigued, and Brent raised his eyebrows skeptically.

"Is this why you were asking me about the howling last night?" Safiya asked, and Ryan nodded.

"Next full moon," He explained, "I'm going to spend a night in the woods and try to find the source of that howling and get evidence of it." He looked at Shane from the corner of his eye; he was watching at Ryan with a disapproving expression.

"You're crazy," Shane said aggressively, "There's more shit in the forest to be scared of then your make-believe werewolves, Ryan. Like actual wolves, or coyotes. You can't do this. It's too dangerous."

"I kind of agree with Shane on this one, Ry," Brent looked at Shane questioningly, not understanding where the hostility was coming from, "Even if werewolves are real, there's other stuff in the woods you need to look out for." Ryan rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter what either of you say, I'm still going to do it," He said, crossing his arms, "I need answers. So much weird shit has been going on lately and I need to find the source."

He met Shane's gaze, and they stared at each other in silence for a couple of beats. Ryan could hear his own heartbeat in his ears, nervous to finally be confronting this in such a head-on way. Shane's expression was a mix of emotions that Ryan couldn't sort out.

"So..." Safya's voice broke the tension, "Did anyone see the new episode of Ghost Adventures last night?" Brent chimed in that, yes, he had seen it, and the group discussion shifted onto that topic.

Neither him nor Shane contributed much to the conversation, which went on until the bell rang and the group migrated into the parking lot of the school. Ryan stood talking to Brent, but could still feel Shane's gaze on his back.

After Brent left, Ryan walked towards his car; Shane stood waiting for him.

"You absolutely cannot go spend the night in the forest during the full moon," Shane leaned against the driver's side door, blocking Ryan's way. There was a note of desperation in his voice.

"I can and I will," There was an edge to Ryan's, and the ' _there's nothing you can do to stop me_ ' was clearly implied. Shane looked frustrated, and ran a hand through his hair restlessly.

"Ryan, please, just listen to me, for _once--"_

"Why should I listen to you, Shane?!" Ryan asked angrily, taking a step closer to him, "You've done nothing but be cryptic and defensive and I-- I have no reason to trust you! At all!"

Shane said nothing in response to Ryan's outburst, only staring at him with a look of conflict clear on his face. He bit his lip, then rested his head in his hands with a long sigh of frustration.

"You're being very difficult," Shane finally said tiredly.

"What the fuck is going on? What are you not telling me?" Ryan demanded, fed up with the having so many questions go unanswered. Shane gave him one more long, exhausted look, before turning and gesturing to where his car was parked.

"C'mon," Shane said, walking towards his car, "Let's go back to my place."

"What?" Ryan asked, confused but still following Shane across the parking lot, "Why?"

Shane glanced at Ryan from over his shoulder.

"To give you some answers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe
> 
> kudos and comments always appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets answers, and a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY IF YOU READ THE LAST CHAPTER YOU PROBABLY ONLY GOT HALF BECAUSE BOTH TIMES I TRIED TO FIX IT IT FUCKED UP. IT KEPT DELETING EVERYTHING AFTER RYANS CONVERSATION WITH SAF BUT I FIXED IT SO IF YOU DIDNT READ PAST THAT PLEASE GO READ IT BEFORE THIS CHAPTER OR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WILL MAKE SENSE THANK U
> 
> also im pretty sure the formatting of this chapter got fucked up but ill fix that later

Ryan glanced at Shane, who was entirely focused on driving. He was tense, Ryan could tell, knuckles white where he gripped the steering wheel. Neither of them had said a word since getting in the car, and in the silence, an odd mixture of apprehension and excitement had begun to hang in the space between them.

Ryan turned his gaze out the the window; finally, he was going to get answers to the endless questions that had been plaguing him these last few months-- but his excitement was undercut with nerves. Yes, Shane was giving him answers, but what were they going to be? Was he a werewolf, or was this going to be another conversation entirely? The anxiety built gradually as they drove in silence, and Ryan couldn't help but feel relieved at the now-familiar sight of Shane's long gravel driveway.

Shane parked the car without a word and got out immediately, stalking up the pathway to his house without even waiting for Ryan to join him. Ryan had to jog to keep up with Shane's long strides.

The house was quiet and still; Ryan assumed that Shane's mom was at work at the moment. This was the first time he had actually been inside; as he looked around, he found that it just as aged on the inside as it did the out. The living room walls were wood paneling, only made more retro with the green carpet. There was a small TV and a couch that made it clear that there had been no real attempt at decorating.

The kitchen was small and outdated, vinyl linoleum looking like it was plucked straight from the 70s. Shane was facing away from Ryan and was getting two mugs from the cabinet next to the sink.

"I know this place looks like shit, but it was the cheapest house mom could find up here," Shane said quietly, turning around and leaning against the kitchen countertop, "Want some tea?"

He looked at Ryan for the first time since the parking lot of the school, and Ryan could see that Shane was nervous, uncomfortable even.   
Ryan suspected he was stalling, but the anxious hesitance in Shane's brown eyes made him nod anyways.

\--

Two mugs of tea later, Ryan and Shane sat on Shane's back porch in silence. Shane was staring out at the wide expanse of forest behind his home, and Ryan stared at Shane, waiting.

He was beautiful like this, contemplative and silent (something almost haunted about his expression)-- but Ryan wrenched his eyes away from the other man's face. He hadn't come here to stare at Shane, Ryan reminded himself. He came here for answers.

"I--" He began, but Shane interrupted him before he could speak.

"I know you probably have a lot of questions," He sighed, turning to face Ryan, "I just... I don't know how to tell you what you want to know." He looked and sounded exhausted, and and Ryan felt sympathy and concern swell in his chest. Whatever Shane was hiding weighed on him.

"I just want to know the truth, Shane," Ryan's voice came out more desperate than he would have liked, but he was at his wit's end, "I feel like I'm going crazy-- nothing makes sense right now, you always get hostile when I try to ask you if I'm losing i--"

"I'm sorry," Shane's looked genuinely upset, alarmed at the thought of  distressing Ryan, "Really, I never... I never intended to hurt you, I just... Nothing makes much sense to me right now either." He ran his hands down his face with a frustrated groan.

Shane leaned against the porch railing, eyes on the ground. He looked conflicted, and Ryan could tell he was struggling to find the words.

"I..." Shane paused, before turning his face towards the sky and taking a deep breath, "You're right about there being a werewolf in the woods but... it's me. I'm a werewolf. No-- don't interrupt, please, I know it sounds insane, it's--it's a disease, lycanthropy, that was passed down from my father, who left a long time ago, to me." He stopped, opened his mouth as if to continued before immediately closing it--then looked up at Ryan with scared eyes.

"I knew it!" Ryan beamed, but Shane's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He blinked, looking at Ryan in pure confusion.

"You what?" Shane asked in disbelief, "You... you already knew? What?"

"You're not exactly subtle, Shane" Ryan leaned against the porch railing with a smug smile, "You were never at school on the full moon, you can hear across an extremely loud cafeteria, you have incredible night vision--it was just a matter of putting two and two together."

Shane still stared at him in bewilderment. "So you jumped straight to werewolf? That's crazy, man! You thought I was a werewolf just because I can hear good? Any other person wouldn't have even noticed it," He laughed, shaking his head as he looked at Ryan almost affectionately, "You really are something else, Ryan. You're really not, like, freaked out by the fact I'm a werewolf?"

"Are you kidding me? This is the coolest thing ever! I've got a friend that turns into a giant fucking wolf! Or... something like that." Ryan tilted his head, "Okay, now that I think of it, I have a lot of questions."

Shane didn't speak for a moment, just smiling at Ryan fondly. As Ryan looked back at him, he felt affection bloom low in his belly, suddenly wanting nothing more than to kiss the other man.

"Sorry, I just can't believe you're taking this so well," Ryan thought he could see Shane blushing, "It's not exactly what I had expected." Shane got up from where he was leaning, and walked down the steps of the back porch towards the woods.

"I want to show you the place I go during the full moon," Shane said, motioning for Ryan to walk with him, "You can ask me questions on the way." Ryan followed immediately with a small laugh.

Shane led him to a path that seemed to be well-worn, and they walked together as Ryan pestered Shane with questions.

"How does it work?" Ryan asked, "Like on the full moon, are you full wolf when you transform or are you just anthropomorphic wolf-man type werewolf?"

"Full wolf," Shane replied, shoving a branch of his way, "And I can transform any time I want, but I have no choice about it on the full moon. It's weird, like... there's always a part of me that wants to be a wolf, and that part is harder to control when I'm emotional, and it's impossible to control during the full moon."

"Are you... yourself when you transform?" Ryan tilted his head as he stepped over a fallen branch, "Like, are you just a guy trapped in a wolf's body when you transform?"

"It depends," Shane shrugged, "Usually I am, but I completely lose myself during the full moon. Once a month, I black out and wake up with no memory of the night before. I hate it."

"Is it rude to ask you to transform?" Ryan asked, curiosity getting the better of him. Immediately after the words left his mouth he felt as if he had just asked something offensive, feeling stupid in his lack of knowledge about werewolf etiquette.

Shane laughed. "Not rude, no," He explained, "Just... Ryan, I want you to imagine all of your bones breaking at once and then re-shaping themselves. That's what transforming is; it's painful and not at all something I like to do."

Ryan shuddered. "Sounds awful," He said sympathetically, feeling bad for having brought it up. He was silent for a couple of moments, before speaking once again: "What about vampires?"

Shane looked at Ryan over his shoulder, and Ryan could tell he was trying to contain laughter. "You really do want this to be Twilight, don't you?" He said with a teasing grin. Ryan blushed in embarrassment.

"It's a valid question!" He replied defensively, "You're literally a werewolf, but you're going to laugh at me for asking about vampires? Also, you never answered the question."

"Calm down, Ryan," Shane chuckled good-naturedly, "I was just joking. And I have no idea-- I don't even know if there are any other werewolves in this area. I've had to learn all of this shit by myself, because dad was the only connection I had to the world  of werewolf-ness, and he left before I even started transforming," Shane shrugged in indifference, but his body language told Ryan it bothered him more than he let on.

Shane stopped abruptly before Ryan could say anything. "Here it is," Shane walked forward into a clearing.

It was a large circle of forest that had been cleared out, with one large, sturdy tree in the center. It was wrapped in bulky chains. Ryan felt a cold chill of shock in his chest as he realized the implications-- Shane kept himself chained like a dog during the full moon. Deep within Ryan he felt pity for Shane, hating the mental image of him out here all alone, in pain as he transformed.

"Jesus, Shane," Ryan said, stepping forward towards the tree in shock, "You chain yourself up during full moons?"

"I don't want to accidentally hurt anybody," Shane said softly, watching Ryan closely, "It's the same reason I don't want you in the woods during the full moon. I've already told you I'm not in control of my actions when the full moon's out. If I... if I got loose, somehow, I would never forgive myself if I hurt you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Ryan turned to face Shane, who was looking at him with an expression of vulnerability and-- Ryan could only describe it as affection.

"Why?" Ryan asked, taking a step closer, something inside of him wanting to be closer to Shane, "Why are you so worried about hurting me?"

"I care about you, Ryan," Shane's amber eyes stared back into his own, and Ryan could feel his breathing hitch. A new kind of anxious tension buzzed between them.

"Elaborate," Ryan came closer almost involuntarily, wanting desperately to close the space between them with a kiss, "How much do you care about me?"

Shane reached out to cup Ryan's face in his hands. "How much do you want me to care about you?" His voice was low, but the desire in his tone was loud and clear.

"However much you want to," Ryan said, before leaning forward to meet Shane's lips with his own.

They met in an uncomfortable clash of teeth-- Shane unresponsive in surprise. Ryan almost pulled back then, when he didn't feel the other man kiss back immediately, fear rising in his gut as he thought that maybe he'd misread the signals Shane had given him, moved too fast-- but it was Shane that stopped him from pulling away. He pulled Ryan closer to himself, angling Ryan's face in a more comfortable position for the both of them.

All of the buzzing energy between the two of them came to a head-- it was electric, a direct product of the uncontrollable want the both of them could feel running in their veins. Shane pushed against Ryan's mouth almost hungrily, somthing frantic and wild in the way he kissed. The caress of his lips were softer than anything Ryan could have ever dreamed of, and he gave a low moan when Shane's tongue tentatively met his.

Suddenly, Shane pulled away, staring at Ryan with fearful eyes.

"Are you sure--" His voice was strangled and ragged with need, "Are you sure you want to do this-- want to start something with me, knowing what I am?" He ran his thumb down Ryan's jawline, looking at him nervously. 

"Shane," Ryan said seriously, resisting the urge to melt under the other man's touch, "I've been wanting this, wanting you for weeks, ever since I first met you. Nothing can change that-- now kiss me again, you idiot."

Shane smiled and brought their lips together once again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreciated :3c


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan has never felt luckier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK BABY
> 
> sorry for the super long hiatus!! enjoy the chapter!!!

Ryan looked at himself in the mirror, nervous excitement tingling underneath his skin as he smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt.

He was going on a date-- but, not just any date, a date with  _Shane Madej._ He could barely hold back a smile as he thought about it again; he was going on a date with Shane! Apprehension and anticipation began to form a knot in his stomach.

There was knock at his door, and Ryan could see his mother peeking in from the other side.

"Come on in," He said, giving her a nervous smile as she opened the door. 

"Okay, so you know your father and I are fine with you being gay and everything," His mother began, making Ryan narrow his eyes in suspicion, "But we're going to interrogate your boyfriend when he gets here. Y'know, just to make sure he's good for you and everything."

Ryan groaned. "Absolutely do not do that. You're the absolute worst, mom." He told her, anxious mind already imagining his mom and dad interrogating Shane the second he showed up at the door, "It's just a date, it's not like we're getting marri--" He was cut off by the doorbell ringing from downstairs.

He practically ran down into the living room to reach the door before either of his parents, only to find, to his dismay, that his dad had already beaten him there. Ryan could feel his face turning red in embarrassment as he came to the door and overheard his boyfriend and his father having a conversation.

"Oh yeah, I'm just here to pick up-- there he is," Shane grinned when they made eye contact, clearly not picking up on Ryan's discomfort, "Hey, Ryan. You ready to go?"

"Yea--" Ryan was cut off by his mother pushing past him to greet Shane.

"Hi there, Shane, I'm Mrs. Bergara." Ryan internally groaned as his mother accosted his boyfriend. "So, how are your grades? GPA?"

Ryan shoved past his parents and stepped out onto the front porch with Shane, who looked surprised by the sudden questions. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well, I, uh--"

"You don't have to answer her," Ryan assured him, shooting his mom a dirty look over his shoulder. He appreciated his mother's concern, he really did, but he was equally, if not more, annoyed by it. "She's crazy." He grabbed Shane's arm and pulled him towards the car and off of the porch.

"Bye, love you guys, be back later!" Ryan shouted to his parents as he dragged Shane to the car. Shane laughed as they climbed into the front seats-- Ryan glanced at him sheepishly.

"I'm sorry," He began rambling, absolutely mortified by his parents' behavior, "They're both insane and annoying and the absolute worst--" He fully intended to continue on like that until Shane rested his hand on top of his own.

"It's fine, Ryan," Shane chuckled softly, eyes alight with warmth and affection. "It's endearing." He grabbed Ryan's hand gently, picking it up and pressing a kiss to it. "There's literally no reason to be embarrassed, goofball," he said, before giving a sly grin that made Ryan figure he knew exactly what he was doing, making Ryan's thoughts go static and face go red.

Ryan stammered in-eloquently for a couple of moments, skin warm where Shane's lips were. A nervous laugh bubbled out of his throat, only thought  _holy shit I'm so gay Shane is going to be the death of me._

"Got it," he squeaked out, voice embarrassingly high-pitched."Should we go?"

Shane laughed again as he started the car and started down the road.

They got to the movie theater fifteen minutes before their movie started, some slasher flick that, judging by the trailers, looked to be more guts and gore than actual plot. Shane spent ten of those minutes kicking Ryan's ass at Dance Dance Revolution in the arcade before they actually went into the theater.

"You're a goddamn cheater, Madej," He grumbled as they sat down in their seats, Shane's eyes glittering as the theater lights dimmed."I don't how, but you fucking cheated. I didn't even realize it was possible to cheat at DDR, but here I am."

"I've got good reflexes." He grinned, and maybe Ryan's heart fluttered just a  _tiny_  bit, because Christ, Shane was so beautiful when he smiled. He dropped his gaze to the floor and didn't reply, feeling embarrassed for staring.

Shane noticed. He leaned on the seat divider and tilted Ryan's face up. "Hey," He said, softly, "Chin up, Ry. You can look at me all you want-- we're  _dating!"_  There was something so wondrous in the way he said it, as if he still couldn't believe it himself, that Ryan couldn't help but smile back at him.

He knew how Shane felt-- it still hadn't really sank in for him, either. That day in the woods had been just three days ago; they'd held hands all the way back to Shane's house, and Ryan had spent the night. Not doing anything intimate, just spending time in the presence of one another, talking to each other. Making sure they were both on the same page and just enjoying the fact that they were with each other, now.

The newness of the word 'boyfriend' still hadn't worn off, the fact that he could kiss and stare at Shane all he wanted still felt novel. It was all such unfamiliar territory, but Ryan wouldn't trade it for anything. The way Shane was looking at him now, eyes shining with affection, made suffering through any anxiety or uncertainty worth it.

It soon became apparent, however, that Ryan had picked the wrong movie. He was more on the skittish side, and well. The movie was kinda scary, okay? He didn't do well with jump scares, and this shitty Halloween ripoff had  _many_ of them.

He jumped when something scary happened on screen, and braced himself for Shane giving him shit about it-- and instead, was surprised when Shane rested his arm around his shoulders.

"Scared?" He asked, voice humourous but not teasing. He nuzzled his face in the crook of Ryan's neck before kissing his cheek and okay wow, when did Ryan die and go to heaven? Because he's pretty sure that's where he's at right now.

"Why would I be scared of some movie serial killer when my boyfriend is a super hot werewolf dude?" He murmured, leaning into Shane's touch. He felt Shane chuckle beside him.

"You think I'm hot?"

"We're dating, Shane." The words felt odd leaving his mouth, and for a moment 'we're dating' reverberated around in Ryan's mind, the fact he somehow was lucky enough to end up  _dating Shane_ still utterly foreign.

Shane laughed and pressed another kiss to Ryan's cheek (something so casual about the touch, yet it made Ryan's breathing hitch), the conversation effectively distracting him from the movie and its scares entirely. The rest of it passed in a blur, Ryan only paying attention to the fact that Shane was resting his head on him and had his arm around his shoulder-- still struck with newness of being so tactile with one another.

They came out of the theater laughing, and Ryan almost felt drunk in how happiness warmed his chest and how his elation made him feel lightheaded and dizzy. At some point, as they walked back to the car, Shane slipped his hand into Ryan's. He revelled in how it felt to hold Shane's hand and press up against his side in the cold autumn air.-- he didn't want this night to end, and felt oddly sad as they climbed into the car.

Shane didn't say anything for a couple of moment as the sat in the car, and for a few irrational seconds, Ryan feared that Shane didn't have a good time tonight, that this wonderful date would meet an awkward, uncomfortable end--

"Let's go stargazing," Shane's soft voice pulled Ryan from his anxiety, "It's nice out tonight."

Ryan looked up and met Shane's eyes, suddenly feeling that not wanting this night to end was an emotion shared between the two of them. He let out a sigh, his anxiety leaving as well, and couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face.

"Yeah, of course," He said, not able to get the words out fast enough. Shane grinned back at him and started the car. An unexpected surge of fondness rose in Ryan's chest, almost hurting in its intensity.

Maybe it was too soon in their relationship-- it could have been merely teenage infatuation--but Ryan was in love, he's so fucking in love with Shane and his humor, in love with his skepticism, his height, the way his brown eyes flashed as they passed streetlights, everything about him was so beautiful and Ryan felt as if he couldn't breath suddenly, drowning in emotion.

Shane pulled into one of the local parks and parked, gravel crunching underneath the wheels of the car. He cast Ryan a sidelong glance, small smile on his face.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to stare, Bergara?" He teased as he unbuckled his seatbelt, and on a stroke of impulse, Ryan leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Upon pulling back, a smug satisfaction overtook Ryan at the flustered blush that dusted Shane's cheeks.

"C'mon, let's go look at stars or whatever," Shane mumbled, voice an octave too high, making Ryan laugh as they climbed out of the car.

The night was chilly, and the waning gibbous moon above cast a low light over the parking lot. The stars were numerous, park far away enough from the more populated part of town to where light pollution was less of a problem. Shane was sitting on the hood of his car, and motioned for Ryan to join him.

Ryan nuzzled up against Shane's side, letting the other wrap his arms around him. For a couple of moments, they just sat like that in a companionable silence. Ryan pulled his jacket tighter and shifted closer to Shane.

"You're very warm," Ryan mumbled, resting his head in the crook of Shane's neck-- Shane's body temperature felt like he was constantly running a fever and Ryan leaned into it now, the heat comforting in the cold night

"It's a werewolf thing, I think," Shane murmured, Ryan listening with rapt attention, still endlessly intrigued by his boyfriend's lycanthropy, "I'm still not completely sure about what is and isn't a werewolf thing-- I've never met another one. I think I witnessed my father transform once, before he left." The way Shane spat the word 'father' and fell silent made Ryan curious-- but he wouldn't press something Shane didn't want to tell him about.

"Do you believe in aliens?" He asked, trying to change the subject, "I mean, knowing you, you probably don't, but..." He looked up at the sky and the vast glitter of stars across it, "I don't think we're alone in the universe."

"I believe in aliens," Shane replied, running a hand through Ryan's hair, "Not in a, 'little green men came into some country bumpkin's home and probed his asshole' way, but in a 'it would be ridiculous to believe that humans are the only intelligent life in the entire universe' way."

"So I win, basically" He sat up to look Shane in the eyes, a wide grin creeping over his face, "You believe in something supernatural, so I win."

Shane snorted. "Absolutely not-- aliens are  _science,_ not supernatural. There's a difference," He rolled his eyes, "Your spooky ghosts still aren't real."

"Oh, shut your stupid skeptical mouth," Ryan shot back, getting closer to Shane's face. Something about the atmosphere changed, and Shane smirked.

"Make me."

Ryan's not totally sure who initiated it, but suddenly the space between them was gone and his lips were pressed against Shane's-- it wasn't urgent and desperate, like their first kiss, instead it was slower, something more languid in how they pushed against each other this time. The unspoken tension erupting that had defined their first kiss was gone, replaced with a mutual and clear  _desire_  from both of them. Shane tasted like soda and popcorn, but Ryan didn't mind it-- exploring Shane's mouth with his tongue was enough of a sensation in itself to distract him.

They pulled their lips apart, but stayed close, Ryan resting his forehead against Shane's. He felt out of breath, but it was good-- everything about this moment, everything about being hand in hand with Shane, kissing Shane, was so fucking  _good_  in a way that Ryan never envisioned himself lucky enough to experience.

He almost thought it might be a dream, but as he cupped Shane's cheek, tilting his head upwards to look into his warm, brown eyes, Ryan could feel his pulse just below the surface. Shane's heartbeat raced in time with his own, a constant drumbeat telling him that this was  _real, real, real._

\--

Ryan laid on Shane's bed, intertwined in Shane's gangly limbs, head on his chest. It was a Saturday, a lazy Saturday, one in which time passed slowly and the two of them were bound to the bed by lethargy. They hadn't gotten up almost the entire day, content to just talk aimlessly and be with one another.

"You're the densest person ever, Shane," They had gotten onto the topic of their friends, and  _somehow_ , Ryan did not know how, Shane hadn't realized Safiya and Freddie were dating, "For all your super werewolf senses and shit, you're incredibly unobservant."

"Not my fault the only person I pay attention to is you," Shane mumbled as he pressed a series of kisses onto Ryan's neck; Ryan swatted him away playfully.

"Don't blame your own obliviousness on me, Madej" Ryan said, rolling over onto his stomach to face Shane. "Tell me you at least know about Steven and Andrew."

"I'm not blind," Shane scoffed. "Astronauts could see they're a thing. That and Steven is always loudly proclaiming Andrew as his boyfriend, as if we'd forget if he didn't remind us."

"By that logic you should know about Saf and Freddie. They're always holding hands, calling each other babe," Ryan absentmindedly took Shane's hand in his, "How could you  _not_ know?"

"Well, I know  _now,_ " He grinned, "Hey, what if I asked you to start calling me 'babe'?"

"The only pet name I will ever give you is Bonestilts," Ryan teased."I don't think I could say 'babe' without it sounding corny."

"I'll accept Bonestilts. It's got a nice ring to it," Shane said thoughtfully, furrowing his eyebrows. "What about those two jock dudes who are always super competitive? They seem like they have some unresolved sexual tension going on."

"Ned and Eugene?" Ryan asked, and Shane nodded. He had to think for a moment-- Ned was their school's only good soccer player, Eugene the football star, and they  _were_  pretty competitive, Shane was right. Ryan thought he might have even seen them holding hands before-- as well as with the two far less athletic, nerdier dudes that they hung around. There were plenty of rumors, sure, the most plausible one that they were all just dating each other.

"Absolutely no clue," Ryan replied finally. "I think they're in a relationship with Zach and Keith, but I'm not totally sure. Whatever's going on it's not something they broadcast for the world."

"Is everyone at this school gay?" Shane laughed, "I'm genuinely curious."

"Probably," Ryan deadpanned, "You wanna know who's really gay though?"

"Wh--"

"--You," Ryan interrupted with a cheeky grin, poking Shane in the chest, " ooh get wrecked." Ryan giggled at his stupid joke even as Shane rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, you gigantic dork." Shane pulled Ryan closer, something far too fond in his voice before kissing him on the cheek. They had been dating a while, but the way Shane's stubble scratched against Ryan's cheek still made his heart race.

Ryan can't help himself-- he kissed Shane, Shane's hand immediately coming up to cup his face as they embraced. It was slow and aimless, like most of today has been, and before long they broke apart with smiles on their faces. He could see the affection alight in Shane's eyes and knew his must look the same.

They laid together in a companionable silence, Ryan resting his head on Shane's chest, listening to the rise and fall of the other's chest.

"The full moon's coming up soon," Ryan said, breaking the silence. He felt Shane momentarily tense underneath him before relaxing again; Ryan couldn't blame him. It was only the second full moon after they had gotten together, since Ryan had found out, and Ryan knew it must be weird talking candidly about something he had kept under wraps for so long.

"Yeah," Shane breathed the word out like a sigh, before wrapping his arms loosely around Ryan. "You know... having you around, having someone around to talk about this werewolf stuff with makes it... I don't know. Easier, I think."

"How so?" Ryan asked, glancing up at Shane.

"I told you about how there's always this compulsion to transform, and it gets hard to control sometimes. Especially whenever I'm emotional," He huffed out a laugh, "I transformed a lot when we first met--I had a lot of confusing emotions surrounding you, y'know. But what I'm trying to say is, you being here, and more specifically us being together, makes those compulsions less strong."

He paused, but Ryan still listened intently.

"I tend to get trapped in my own head a lot, I get lost in my own perspective and I let things build up that shouldn't. But you..."He interlocked his slender fingers with Ryan's. "You caring about me, and knowing about the whole werewolf thing makes it easier for me to snap myself out of it." He looked down at Ryan, small smile on his face.

"You make it easier for me to breathe, whenever it feels like I'm drowning," Shane said earnestly, pressing a kiss to Ryan's forehead. "I can't thank you enough for that, Ryan."

There were thousands of things Ryan wanted to say--  _no, I should be thanking you,_ or  _you it hard for me to breathe when you're around,_ or  _I love you, I love you so much it hurts._

He didn't. He didn't say anything; instead, he smiled at Shane and pulled him close and kissed him again--for a moment, the rise and fall of Shane's chest was the only thing reminding him to breathe.

\--

Ryan was alone. He felt the loneliness as if it were a physical presence, crushing his chest and making it ache.

The full moon was tonight, its pale face already high in the night sky. Ryan was in his bedroom, and he missed Shane intensely, more than anything else in the world. His heart ached at the thought of Shane, alone in the woods, wrapped in chains.

He tried not to think about it.

He attempted to fall asleep, but every howl made him miss Shane even more-- and something else, as well. There was a nagging sense of dread that had followed him all day. He tried to tell himself it was just him missing Shane, but no matter what he did he couldn't shake the feeling that something is wrong.

_Everything's been so good lately, though_ , he thought to himself,  _Everything's perfect._ He knew this-- knew how good things were better than anyone else.

And yet, a foreboding sense of doom followed him, followed his thoughts-- and it worried him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's luck begins to run out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha what do you MEAN its been three months since i last updated what no way
> 
> also, there's two more chapters before i wrap it up! if you like the story, don't worry, that doesn't mean this au's story is over :)

Ryan blinked open his eyes, the fog of sleepiness in his mind evaporating slowly as the watery, mid-morning sun streamed onto his face; he vaguely recalled having nightmares as he slept, but they slipped away from him as he tried to remember them in detail. He pushed it to the back of his mind and sat up, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn, before picking up his phone to check the time. His eyes widened as he read his lockscreen.

_Missed call from Shane <3 (14)_

**[shane]** ryan please come over when you wake up please

 **[shane]** please i need someone right now

Ryan stumbled out of bed, the bleariness of just waking up dissipating as he frantically got dressed. Hundreds of anxiety-fueled situations ran through his mind as he hastily pulled on clothes.

_What if he's hurt?_

_Is something wrong with his mom? Did his father come back?_

_He texted me, so whatever's going on he must be okay physically--_

_But he sounds upset so there must be something_ wrong--

He pulled his jacket on and grabbed his phone and keys from on top of his nightstand before almost running out of his room and down the stairs. His parents didn't appear to be up yet, so there was no one around to ask questions when Ryan slipped out the door in a distressed hurry. 

There was a slight drizzle as he climbed into his car; it was one of those days that seemed perfect for relaxing and staying inside where it was cozy and warm, but Ryan was far from relaxed in his current state. He quickly sent off a 'I'm on my way' text before starting the car and pulling out of his driveway-- his heart was pounding and all his thoughts seemed to center around Shane and his wellbeing. 

He made it over to the Madej household faster than he ever had before; it usually took around fifteen minutes, but Ryan was pulling into Shane's long, gravel driveway in about ten minutes, breaking a few speed limits in the process. 

Ryan got out of his car, fumbling with his seat belt in his haste, before going up onto Shane's front porch and knocking on the door. He didn't have to wait ten seconds before the door swung open. 

Shane looked like shit; he was in an old t-shirt and sweatpants, facial hair messy and untrimmed, eyes red-rimmed like he'd been crying. 

"Shane," Ryan said softly, heart aching as he reached out to grab Shane's hand. Shane took his hand silently, before pulling Ryan into a tight hug, burying his face in the nook of his neck. 

Ryan didn't say anything, just rubbed Shane's back and offered him solace in the form of holding him close. His confusion had given way to pure worry, because whatever was going on with Shane had him a mess.  

Shane pulled away and wiped at his eyes, before looking around and realizing they were still on his front porch. "Come in," he said, voice hoarse.

His anachronistic house was cozy after the being in the cold rain, although a heavy sense of foreboding rested atop it. Ryan immediately went to the kitchen, pulling two mugs and the Madejs' kettle from the cabinets. 

"I'm gonna make tea," Ryan told Shane, who was leaning on the kitchen counter, eyes on the floor, "And then you're going to tell me what's wrong. Okay?"

"Okay," Shane replied, voice quiet as Ryan grabbed the tea bags from the cabinet. He had been over so much lately that he knew where everything was stored, and soon enough he had the kettle boiling on the stove. 

Neither of them said anything-- Shane was silent and was refusing to look at Ryan. He wanted to go over and wrap his arms around him, tell Shane that whatever was going on Ryan would still love-- no, not love. It was far too early and Ryan was far too cowardly to be the first to say the dreaded l-word. 

He wanted to go over and pull Shane into an embrace, run his hands though Shane's hair and tell him that whatever was going on, Ryan would always be here for him. No matter what. But Shane's body language was tight and closed off, arms wrapped around himself and a sad, almost  _guilty_ expression on his face.-- Ryan knew that his physical proximity was not what Shane needed right now. 

Shane's home was silent, but it wasn't the nice, companionable silence Ryan had grown used to; rather, it was uncomfortable and heavy. Ryan jumped when the kettle screamed, not anticipating the sudden break in the melancholy quiet.

His heart ached for Shane as he poured the tea; he wouldn't look at Ryan even as he poured him his tea and led him to the couch. They sat down next to each other, Shane immediately burrowing into one of the blankets.

He suddenly looked very young and vulnerable, something about the unhappy and fearful look on his face filling Ryan with a longing to reach out and comfort him. 

"Please," Ryan said, voice as gentle as possible, "tell me what's wrong. You've got me worried out of my mind here, Shane."

Shane didn't respond right away, instead staring down into his mug of tea as if it held the secrets of the universe. Ryan reached out to rest a hand on his knee, and felt Shane go tense underneath him--finally, he breathed out a long sigh.

"I think I..." His voice cracked, the upset look coming back, before taking another deep breath, "This morning. I woke up in the forest as always, but something was  _wrong_ \-- I came back home, and I turned on the news and I-- I--"

He seemed to not be able to get the word out, breaths coming faster and faster before finally screwing his eyes shut and continuing. 

"They found a dead body in the forest, Ryan," He choked out, "They found a dead body that looked like it was killed by a  _wolf_. And I-- I  _didn't wake up in the clearing_ , I got out of my chains last night-- oh my  _God, I killed somebody, Ryan--_ "

He paused, breathing too fast, hyperventilating and putting his face in his hands. Ryan was at a loss for how to console Shane; he settled on grabbing one of Shane's hands and running his thumb over the back. 

"It's okay, Shane," He placated in a soft voice, as if trying not to spook a wild animal, "You have no proof it was you."

"I'm the only wolf in this area, Ryan," Shane's voice was pained and he looked close to tears, "There's no one else it could have been. I hurt someone--" He broke off into a sob, causing Ryan's heart to break in half.

Seeing Shane,  _his_ Shane, calm and collected Shane, have a complete and messy breakdown right in front of him was a jarring sight; it was disconcerting and terrible seeing the boy he loved dissolve into tears and not be able to do anything about it. He absolutely hated seeing Shane like this, it wasn't  _right_. 

Shane tried to stop crying and attempt to collect himself, but was gripping the empty mug in his hands so tight that it suddenly shattered-- they both stared at it for a couple of seconds before Shane broke down again into tears. 

"I'm so destructive," He whispered, staring at the mess and ripping his hand from Ryan's to wipe at the tears falling from his eyes, "I'm a fucking monster."

"Shane, you are  _not--_ look at me, _"_ Ryan tugged gently on Shane's hands, pulling them away from his face, "You're not a monster. You have no proof that it was you-- for all we know it really could have been a wild animal attack."

"You're gonna cut yourself on the glass," Shane mumbled, not listening to Ryan, trying to pick up the shards on top of the blanket with shaking hands, "Be careful."

"You're not listening to me," Ryan mumbled miserably, watching Shane refuse to meet his gaze and pick up the sharp pieces of ceramic with bare hands and an upset expression. Ryan stood up and helped Shane clean up in silence, waiting for him to say something, anything. 

As they collected the shards of glass, Shane didn't acknowledge Ryan, instead giving him sad glances whenever he thought Ryan wasn't looking; after they managed to collect and throw away the pieces of the mug, Ryan pulled him into another tight hug-- except Shane wouldn't put his arms around Ryan. 

"What's going on in your head right now?" Ryan asked, pulling away, trying to keep his voice from cracking-- he wished Shane would look at him, or say something. Seeing Shane fall apart was heartbreaking, but seeing him shut down was worse. 

Shane wrapped his arms around himself, eyes on the floor.  "I'm so afraid," He choked out finally, voice trembling, "I'm so afraid of hurting you."

Ryan didn't know how to say that Shane shutting him out was far more painful than any physical injury he possibly could sustain, so instead he forced himself to swallow his hurt and put on a brave face. 

"I know you would never," Ryan grabbed Shane's hands, pulling them towards his face so he could kiss the back of his hand, "Trust me, Shane. When have I ever been wrong?" He thought that maybe that would get a laugh out of Shane, but Shane just stared at him with his sad amber eyes, the eyes so often full of joy and light now shaded by grief. 

Ryan forced a small smile onto his face. "Why don't we go up to your bedroom and watch stupid movies to help us both calm down?" He faked cheerfulness, as if some mind numbing Disney movie would make any of this better. 

Shane dropped his gaze to the floor again and nodded, allowing Ryan to lead him upstairs and into his room. 

Ryan pulled up some low-budget animated film for them to make fun of and laugh at, and an artificial pretense of normalcy fell over them for a few hours. The day went on and night fell, and even though they cuddled and kissed and did all the things they normally did, all the things Ryan loved doing, it felt as though there was something fake about it. Ryan was gentle in how he moved and in what he said, Shane was cautious in everything he did and still wouldn't look Ryan in the eyes. 

Ryan played his part and it left a bad taste in his mouth. He could see Shane hurting underneath the half-hearted laughs and smiles, but didn't reach out or say anything-- what good would it do? Surely, Shane would say something if this method of coping with everything wasn't working, right? 

Ryan snuggled up to Shane's too-warm frame, listening to the rise and fall of the other's chest as they both pretended to be asleep. Surely, this was helping Shane cope. This was the best thing Ryan could do to help. 

He repeated that as a mantra until sleep took him fitfully. 

\--

Morning came as a cold reality shock. 

Ryan awoke slowly,  alone, cold in Shane's bed. He sat up, confused, eyes falling on Shane sitting on the edge of the bed, on his phone. 

"Shane?" Ryan asked groggily, wondering why he wasn't cuddling his boyfriend at the moment-- the events of yesterday came flooding back and the rest of the sentence withered in Ryan's throat. 

"Oh. You're awake," Shane said softly, quietly, but there was something wrong about it. 

He figured it was best to tread lightly right now. 

"How are you holding u--"

"I'm fine now," Shane interrupted, glancing back but not looking at Ryan, "Sleep helped".

Ryan narrowed his eyes, knowing Shane well enough to see something was clearly bothering Shane but also not wanting to push. He leaned over to give Shane a good morning kiss despite this, except-- Shane moved out of the way. Shane all but dodged out of the way of Ryan's affection. 

Something was definitely wrong, and the feeling of dread returned to Ryan. 

"Shane, is there something wrong?" He asked as gently as possible, but Shane still flinched. 

"No, really, I'm fine," Shane mumbled, facing away from Ryan, "I just-- I just think it would be best if I was alone right now. You should go home, Ry."

The words hit Ryan like a slap in the face, but he forced himself not to act like it had hurt. If  that's what Shane needed right now... then he would leave. Ryan got up out of the bed mechanically, feeling like an automaton as he grabbed his phone and keys off of Shane's desk. 

Shane accompanied Ryan to the door and said a curt goodbye, completely freezing Ryan out as he tried for another kiss. 

"See you later," Ryan forced himself to say cheerfully as he stood on Shane's porch, "I'll miss--"

Shane shut the door. 

It was all Ryan could do not to collapse on the ground and cry. 

Ryan got Shane needing to be alone, but what was the need to be so distant and cold? Had he done something wrong? Ryan walked to his car in a daze of melancholy, feeling heartbroken and confused. 

He was trying to unlock his car through the tears threatening to spill from his eyes when he heard the backdoor of Shane's house slam, and snapped his head upwards to see Shane stalking towards the woods. 

Ryan couldn't leave like this. He needed answers. 

"Shane!" He cried out, jogging towards his boyfriend's lanky frame, "I--" 

The words died when Shane whipped his head towards him. Shane's vibrant yellow eyes widened at the sight of Ryan; there was something impossibly animalistic and feral about how he was holding himself, and he was shivering slightly, his teeth bared in an almost-snarl. For the first time, Ryan felt a jolt of fear and shock run through him. 

"I told you to leave!" Shane shouted, voice sounding both desperate and animal at the same time, "I'm about thirty seconds away from transforming-- I don't want you to see me like this, Ryan!"

"I-- I didn't realize," Ryan instinctively took a step back from Shane, but immediately regretted it when hurt flashed across Shane's face, "I'm sorry--"

"Just  _leave!"_ Shane's voice was almost entirely a growl, and it sent Ryan scampering away. 

Almost as soon as Ryan had turned around, he was frozen in place by the awful sounds of bones cracking and snapping, human screams--  _Shane's_  screams, horrible hoarse cries that seemed to last for years that transformed seamlessly into a wolf's howl. Just as soon as it had begun, everything went silent, and Ryan dared to glance behind him.

A large brown wolf with vibrant yellow eyes was staring at him, something human in how upset it looked, before it turned tail and bolted into the forest. 

All Ryan was left with was the sound of his own breathing, heavy and ragged. 

His head swam as he trekked back to his car, Ryan's head filled with Shane, Shane,  _Shane._ As he fumbled with the keys, his mind drifted back to how distant he was that morning, how destroyed he was the night before. How sad those bright yellow eyes were just moments ago.

As Ryan sat down in the driver's seat, he made a vow to prove Shane wasn't responsible for the corpse in the woods.  _I'm gonna find the truth_ , he thought, staring at the wide expanse of green, thinking of Shane out there, alone,  _even if it fucking kills me._


End file.
